Fw: snarfed from a.s.r

[Peter Hessler]

Begin forwarded message:

Date: Mon, 08 Mar 2004 05:22:03 GMT
From: Bill Turlock <"Bill Turlock"@sonnic.net>
To: (none)
Cc: (none)
Newsgroups: sonic.general
Subject: snarfed from a.s.r



A large padded envelope arrived in the post the other day.
The return address was Austraila Posst, so I thought it was
okay to open it. Inside it was a letter, and another padded
envelope. The letter read:

Dear Mail Recipient,

Your mail delivry will be cut off in three days for
suspected
postal abuse unless you complie with the directions in the
envelope labelled "Do this stuff next". We appreciate that
you
are a busy person, and that you probly arent risponsable for
the suspected abuse, but in order to keep the postal system
working proply we need you do take some actions to help
yourself. Please open the second envelope and do what the
message inside say.

Regards,

Austraila Post Customer Service Department

...so, of course, I opened the second envelope.

Inside it were a sheet of paper with directions,
and a claw hammer.

The directions read:

1. Go to the post office and buy 40 large padded envelopes.

2. Go to the hardware store of your choice and buy 20 claw
hammers.

3. Make 20 copies of these instructions, and 20 copies of
the
letter that was inside the first envelope.

4. In 20 of the padded envelopes, place a claw hammer and a
copy of these instructions. Clearly label these envelopes
"Do this stuff next", and seal them.

5. Place the sealed envelopes inside the other 20 envelopes,
along with a copy of the covering letter, and seal them.

There is no direction 6.

7. Open the phone book, and choose 20 addresses at random.
Use these to address the sealed outer envelopes.

8. Go to the post office, and post the envelopes.

9. When you get home, hit yourself in the head with the
claw hammer until you pass out. 

10. When you wake up, hit yourself in the head with the
claw hammer until you pass out.

11. Repeat from step 1 tomorrow.


...I've just woken up after step 9. This is the fourth
day I've been out to the post office and the hardware
store. Do you think it would be okay if I went to the
hardware store before the post office? Can I stock up
on enough hammers and copies of the letters and envelopes
for a month at a time so I only need to go one place each
day? The hammering is really starting to take its toll.


Also, I've just received a new letter, similar to the
first one except the inner envelope was sealed with
a combination padlock. Does this replace the first
mailing, or should I just do both? I don't think I
can afford 40 hammers a day, especially if I now have
to buy padlocks too.


-- 
Once, adv.:
	Enough.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"